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Path Obscured: Chapter 3

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A beautiful day around me.  I stand awaiting the arrival of my father at the airport, he’s just arriving back from overseas.  His plane lands, the excitement begins to grow within me.  I look up at my mother, as she holds my hand smiling down back at me.  An old familiar smile.  One I feel like I haven’t seen in a long time.  The passengers slowly depart the plane and come down the line, I think I see my father, but it turns out not to be him.  The last person steps off the plane.  My father isn’t there.  A sense of bewilderment begins to fill my stomach, I look up at my mother, always austere.

“He probably just missed his flight.”

Suddenly, the world around me changes.  Another bright day, a large gathering of people.  The sun beats down on darkly clad people.  I don’t remember ever attending a funeral before, I look around, but I don’t feel like I recognize anyone there.  A feeling of confusion sweeps over me, I feel like asking someone who the funeral is for.. but that seems like an insensitive thing to do..

A flash of heat burns the side of my face.  My surroundings change suddenly again.  I feel different, heavier.  My vision is obscured by protective goggles and heavy gear.  Looking down I realize that I’m carrying a rifle, and am surrounded by similarly dressed people.  The wind blows violently, sand grinding against my clothing, trying to creep in anywhere it can.

An explosion knocks three people to my right off their feet, suddenly the world is in an uproar.  Automatic weapons fire echoes from all directions.  It feels as if someone struck me several times in chest and neck with a baseball bat, a searing heat emanating from there as I’m knocked to the ground.  I wheeze weakly as blood begins to pool around me.  I hear people shouting around me, in a language I don’t understand.

“Annie.”

I can feel the tears in my eyes as the world changes again.  The world darkens and cools before I realize that my eyes are closed.  As I open them I realize I’m staring up at Jennifer, my manager from the restaurant I work at.  My head hurts terribly, as I look around I realize an entire tray of food has been dropped to the ground nearby me.

“Annie are you okay?” Jennifer asks, a look of concern on her face.

I raise my hand to my head, “Yeah, I think so..” I say weakly.  “Did I faint again?” I ask looking at Jennifer.

She nods her head, “Yes you did.. why don’t you go ahead and take the rest of the night off.” she smiles and pats me on the head.

The edges of my mouth quiver slightly as I look down towards the ground, “I’m sorry, I’ll clean this up first.” I say attempting a smile.

Jennifer nods her had, “No, it’s alright we’ll get a busser to do it, just make sure you get yourself home safely.  Do you have someone who can drive you?” she asks.

I nod my head, “I can call my father, I feel like I want to see him anyway.”

Jennifer nods, “Alright, take care of yourself.”

I slowly get myself up off the ground, if I have any luck, at least I collapsed back in the kitchen and not on the floor.  That would’ve been embarrassing.  Walking back towards my locker, the image still fills my head, ‘Was that a dream?’ I wonder.  I lift my cell phone out of my purse and dial my father’s phone number.  My father was in the military, but he certainly isn’t dead, and he certainly wasn’t wounded.  Yet that felt a little too close for comfort.

An annoying ringback tone plays, Bruce Springsteen, my father always liked Bruce Springsteen.

“Hello?  Annie?” the familiar voice on the other end chimes in.

“Yeah dad, it’s me, can you pick me up from work?  I.. collapsed again.” I say.

“No problem, I’ll be right there.  Are you alright?” he asks, I can already hear the sound of him walking around, probably looking for his keys.

“Yeah I’m fine, just need a ride home.” I reply.

“Alright I’ll be there soon.”

“Thanks dad,” I say with a smile before hanging up the phone.

It has been three months since the first time I collapsed.  The first time I collapsed during the track meet was the only time that I don’t remember having a sort of dream associated with fainting.  Since that time this is the sixth time I’ve fainted.  Every time I have one of the dream like events, it is usually of some terrible happening.

The time before this that I collapsed, I had a similar vision where I was seeing from the eyes of my mother instead of my father.  She was in a terrible car accident, and the pain I felt then, I can only imagine, felt as bad as it would during a real car accident.  I woke up with tears in my eyes that time too.  I’m beginning to become terribly afraid of these fainting spells, not so much from hurting myself when I fall, but the mental anguish that is beginning to takes it toll on me.  I’ve seen a therapist since about a month after my first fainting spell, shortly after the second one occurred.  She offers me little advice aside from having someone to talk to.

She suggests that it is simply stress, of arriving near a turning point in my life.  Graduating from high school, going to college.  A lot of people have trouble adjusting.  As far as I know, nobody I know collapses and has hellish visions in their head though.  I sit idly at a table in the break room resting my head in my hands.  I keep hoping that this will end soon.

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Written by andrewsnafu

March 23, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Posted in Chapter 3

Tagged with , , , ,

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